Oh god, I’m so sorry for the creepy nature of my writing entry today! Who would have guessed that I could turn Desire into something so awful! Maybe I’m one of those writers that’s just a bit twisted and I never noticed till now. Today I’m writing about one of my characters who suffered through an abusive relationship with an older man when she was a girl. These are the early stages of the relationship but this eventually culminates in her leaving home and moving in with him, losing all semblance of a life that is her own. I found this surprisingly easy to write but I’m not sure I got the tone quite right. I mean, it reads as very creepy to me and I didn’t want to go too far with the guy because he’s not a monster at this point. At this point he’s just an older man and as it’s from her persepctive, she can’t see that elements of this aren’t normal for a relationship.
I’ll write something nicer tomorrow!
Here’s the transcript:
“My face is so red right now I can actually feel it pulsing. I expect him to laugh at me but he’s still looking so intense and eager. Hungry almost.
“Don’t you feel sexy?” he asks with a cheeky grin and laughs when I put my head down a bit to hide.
“No, no, look at me.” he says playfully, turning my face up to his, “look at me then take off your bra.”
First thought is just a straight up no but then I feel like I’m just being a silly girl. I wish I could be cool and confident like the other girls he’s been with. Bet they had sexier underwear too. White sports bra. Yuck.
I’m feeling all mixed up as I steel myself to undo the clasp. I want to make him happy. He’s so nice to me and he wants it so badly. It’s good, this is what it is to be wanted. I smile at him and he grins in response. This is good, I’m enjoying this. I take off the bra and hide under my hair again. I feel silly and stupid but this weird sigh escapes his lips.
“Now you get to help me.”